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I’d like to wish a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the following people in my life. I hope that not only this month, but your own special day is an amazing one, and you all receive what you desire most. <3 you all!

01. userinfodisclaim__her

07. Nate Stearns

16. userinfotodzumirjetzt

23. My Mom ♥

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♥ ``Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.``
--[ Elbert Hubbard ]--

♥ ``Show dedication in all you do.``
--[ Movin' Mountains ]--

♥ ``A positive attitude makes all things go more smoothly.``
--[ Movin' Mountains ]--

♥ ``Nothing is sweeter than Love, nothing stronger, nothing higher, nothing wider, noting more pleasant, nothing fuller nor better in heaven and earth.``
--[ Thomas A Kempis ]--

♥ ``Profound joy of the heart is like a magnet that indicates the path of life. One has to follow it, enen though one enters into a way full of difficulties.``
--[ Mother Teresa ]--

♥ ``Take the risk of loving somoene--it's worth it.``
--[ Movin' Mountains ]--

♥ ``Tell me and I forget, Teach me and I remember, Involve me and I learn.``
--[ Ben Franklin ]--

♥ ``We say as much through our silence as our words.``
--[ Princess Pennie ]--

♥ ``If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.``
-- [ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ] --

♥``Worry does not empty today of it's sorrow. It empties today of it's strength.``
--[ Corrie Ten Boom ]--

Tags In This Journal

a b s o r b e d p s y c h e
Due to my trust issues, I'm reverting back to FRIENDS ONLY entries. I'm sure most of you aren't too surprised that have been around for a while. I don't know why I think I can go public. Those on my list are staying there, so no need to worry. Unless, of course, you'd like to remove me. So, the journal is now Friends Only. If you want me to add you, just add me and I'll return the favor. Comments will be blocked.

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I AM : predatory predatory
CURRENT ♫ : Sex in the City ---TV
Please JOIN my RANTING community. Click the image below if you'd like to know more about it!

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Also, my good friend [I talk about her from time to time on here] </b></a>x_gemini_brat_x runs a novice graphics community. It's a really neat place, and there's none of that pressure to be ELITE. There are people from ALL skill levels who post there. I know some of you on my list really enjoy making icons, and layouts, etc. So, if you'd like to join it and share your work there, that'd really mean a lot to both me and her! Thanks for listening, and taking the time to check it out. <3 you all!

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Also, feel free to comment here with any communities you feel I should join! You can do your own promoting :D

I AM : hopeful hopeful
TAGS : , ,
[ 1 ] offered their $.02
Dear You,

Why is it so hard to let go, long after you've gone. Why is it so difficult for me to figure the answers to all these questions you left behind. Days go by where I don't even think of you, then there are those days where I cannot stop the tears. I'm haunted by the image of your smiling face, only days before you took yourself away. I wish I'd told you those three little words, but I didn't. I fail to remember what exactly happened those two days before your death, but I remember exactly how I felt the day of of it.  A mixture of disbelief, anger, complete sadness, and emptiness filled me. Everything was like a diluted nightmare, I just remember failing to believe it; it was so impossible. WHY? Why would you do such a thing? What was SO terrible, that you had to take your own life? You had brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and a wife and children who loved you so very much. What sent you over the edge?! Did you not even LOVE us enough to have left a simple note. Where you scared that we'd hate you for your reasons? Well guess what, we hate you for the reasons you didn't leave us! You're such a selfish bastard. We loved you so much, we'd have done ANYTHING for you, and still you went away.  You've placed a fear in my heart. A fear that any day I can lose someone I love, the way that I lost you. I can't bring myself to get close to anyone, with fear of them leaving because of me. Were we really that terrible, that you had to get away, and that was the only way you could think of?! I'm so sorry I didn't constantly tell you I loved you. I'm so sorry I couldn't recognize what was going on in your head, and attempted to stop you. I'm so sorry that I sometimes try to forget you so that this pain goes away. I'm so sorry that I can't find the words to express how I feel every single day without you. You've been gone two whole years, and still these emotions and thoughts linger with me. Still do they torment me with each breath that I take. I picture your loving face and constantly ask, WHY?! Knowing full well, that I will NEVER know the answer. I'm sorry that I was a NOBODY in your life, but you were a major SOMEBODY in mine. I want to forget you, but I know that as long as I live, I never will. Thank you for loving us so much, to think of us in your time of need, to see this as your only way of keeping you in our thoughts forever ... Thank you for taking a little more of whatever heart I had left with you.

Your Goddaughter,

I AM : contemplative contemplative
CURRENT ♫ : Love Is Not Enough -- NIN
TAGS : ,
[ Filter: Friends Only ]

Dear You,

Today was a bad day. Considering my usual days, it definitely wasn't good. I couldn't stop thinking about you. My mind buzzed and bugged me until I sat down and gave into the tears. It'll be two years August 23rd, and to me it still seems like it's all a big 'ol joke that God's playing on me. That he'll somehow communicate with me and be all, "Ha ha, got you good huh? He's alive. He's just off on vacation!" Yet, that'd be a cruel joke and I don't think God is cruel, even though sometimes I wish he was so I had someone to blame for it all.

You meant the world to me. Maybe I didn't show it and for that I am sorry. I sit here and cry for you, but you took yourself away from us, so why should I? You're selfish-ness is what now causes me so much pain. I'm sorry that when I saw you two days before you died that I didn't say "I Love You", even though every moment you and I spent together I never once hated you, I never once stopped loving you. Yet, it's too late for all of that, isn't it? Would it have honestly made a difference, those three little words that the world seems to take for granted, but that I cherish with all my heart and soul?

You were loved by so many. You brothers and sisters, your wife and children, and me ... your Goddaughter. I felt like a daughter to you, but apparently you didn't think so of me, because you still went and did it. What was so terrible in your life that you felt that was your only way out? How DARE you be so fucking selfish and do it! HOW DARE YOU!

Sometimes I sit up at night and I think about what you did and I want to hate you. I want to scream and hit you. I want to yell at you, I want to cry with you, I want to hold you once again in my arms ... but I can't. I never will. I'll never see your smiling face or your beautiful eyes. I'll never hear you laugh that silly laugh of yours. I'll never spend another silly drunken night with you. You won't see me graduate...you wont be at my wedding ... you won't see my kids grow. You'll never be a part of any special event that I ever live through.

You never even said Good-bye. I think that if you loved me as much as I loved you, you could have at least left a note; but that was something you just couldn't do, huh? Couldn't just say Good-bye.  You left us all in such a way, that will forever haunt us all. You left us all in such a way, that our lives are now forever changed. You left us in such a way, that our paths have shifted. How DARE you do this to the people you LOVED!

I'm sorry I didn't hug you more. I'm sorry I didn't laugh with you more. I'm sorry I didn't say I Love You more. I'm sorry you left this world, thinking the complete opposite of it all. I'm sorry you thought we didn't love you. I'm sorry you saw that as your only way out. I'm sorry that you weren't strong enough to tell us what was going on in your head. I'm sorry I was weak. I'm sorry I didn't see it.  I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

I'm sorry that I want to hate you. I'm sorry that you're gone. I'm sorry that I'll never see you again.

I'm sorry.

Loving you Forever
Crying for you Forever
Your Goddaughter
Your Niece
Your Friend,


Pedro Tome
August 23, 2003

I AM : sad sad